hi,
My name is Bryan, and I'm in prison. I am serving a 10 year sentence for laws I broke during what I believe was a psychotic break, or possibly a manic episode of some kind. I will be eligible for parole in around 2015 or 2016. In 2009 I was diagnosed as schizoaffective and schizotypal by a personal psychologist. My crimes happened in 2008. I was sentenced July 31st, 2009.
I have no internet access; you're actually reading copies of letters I have hand-written or typed and mailed to my family and friends.
My internet presence as an inmate began at elitefitrea.blogspot.com, where I gathered a small following of readers as I emerged from my own personal fog of confusion and dissassociation while coming to terms with my sentence. I am also dissecting the insightful, hallucination-accompied suicide attempt that followed my crime spree.
On July 31st, 2009, I was sentenced to 10 years in the Colorado Department of Corrections for 1st degree arson and stalking/harrassment. I had set my ex-girlfriend's father's house on fire after vandalizing her car twice and emailing her about it from two anonymous email addresses.
My blog describes how a hallucinated spiritual amalgamation had convinced me that my wanton vandalism (and accompanying terror) was the only way to get my ex-girlfriend back into my life, or perhaps, force myself back into hers. My deteriorated emotional and financial states had made it easy for me to lose myself in the unprecendented symptoms I had begun to display.
My statements are not intended to paint me in a positive light; just an honest one. I'm not proud of this part of my past; rather, I accept it as a fact of my life, and a snapshot of the sorts of pitfalls that await untreated mental illness. I invite readers to join me in my telling of the story, how it happened, and what I was thinking. My hopes are that my story will serve as an insightful warning, and while it may end up humanizing me, I'm not getting my hopes up. Frankly, I really don't care about redemption in the traditional sense.
I also hope to serve some insight into Colorado's inmate population, and its penal system. The population at large really has no clue as to what happens here, or what kinds of people get sent here. In this respect I hope to use my experience to advance the knowledge of my generation.
I have also been told that I am a good writer. It should stand to reason that if I can provide something for society—if not good, then at least intriguing or entertaining—why not try? I have nothing to lose but my dignity, which, like so many things, has already left me.